no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
