mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
