i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
