I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
