The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
