Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
