Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
