Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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