I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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