wat bout pragnant strippers??
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
