Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
