highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize