So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
