I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
