My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
