Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
