I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize