He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
