I met the friendliest cop last night
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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