You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
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the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
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There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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