You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
