I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
