you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.