Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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