Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
