I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
