i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
