sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
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I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
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I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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