Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
