If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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