Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize