My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
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