he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
