im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
