god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
