He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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