Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You pole danced in your parka.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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