Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
