I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
