its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
