walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
