He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
