Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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