a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
