What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
