How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
