There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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