Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
