I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Randomize
