my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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