my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
