they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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