Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
