Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
bring money and cleavage
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
