we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
