Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
We are two peas in an std pod
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
