i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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