I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
